Lessons in self care

Finding strength in self care and self love is so important and here is my 18 tips on how to truly prioritise yourself and your needs.

Sometimes we get so caught up in life that we forget to stop and take some time to prioritise ourselves and our wellbeing. Relieving some of that stress and pressure we feel and checking in with our mind and body is so important for looking after ourselves. Everyone needs some self care and self love in their life and if anything it makes you a stronger and more happier person.

Here’s some of the tips I’ve learnt from my life and my friends from over the years that I feel have really helped me with learning to love myself, taking care of my wellbeing and generally making my life around me a more positive place.

1. Learn to be okay on your own

You do not need to rely on others for your happiness and love. You will always be enough for yourself and focus on really enjoying and valuing your alone time. Really add purpose to your alone time, structure it into your day and don’t see it as ‘rotting’ in your bed. It is your time to recharge your mind and battery. Take yourself out for self dates because you don’t need another person to fulfil your time.

2. Know the importance of setting boundaries

It is so important that you put yourself first and protect yourself from mental and physical harm. It may be hard to initially apply new boundaries in your life, friendships and relationships but you must do it so you can start your healing process. The temporary highs of their company are not worth the long term hurt. You can break that habit if you create new rules and adjust your lifestyle. You must not sacrifice your wellbeing to please others, you are always number 1.

3. Don't let others' opinions drive your decisions

This is your life and you must follow your mind and heart to do what makes you happy. You cannot please everyone in life but you must always please yourself. Don’t let other people’s judgements and opinions deter you from doing what you want.

4. Stop the comparison

Living up to beauty standards, societal expectations and comparing ourselves to other people is so damaging. Trust that you are on your own path and take your time, what is meant to be will be. You must not compare where you are in life to people who you don’t truly know, and don’t believe what you see on social media. Everyone has their own inner struggles and we are all working on them, so focus on your own goals.

5. Don’t focus on how you are perceived, but what type of person you are

Your focus should be on treating others well and being a good person and friend. Stop prioritising your external appearance and look at what's on the inside. Looks will fade but people will remember your kindness and your heart forever so prioritise spreading love and positivity in the world.

6. Let go of the toxic people

Holding onto friends and relationships that are toxic just because of the good memories you have together and holding onto the person they used to be is not an excuse for toxic behaviour. You must notice the toxicness and not excuse the behaviour. Just know it is ok to let them go if they are hurting you. Everyone who has let go of someone toxic is better off now, but you need to make that first move to break it off for yourself.

7. Retrain those negative thoughts and self criticism into something positive

When those negative thoughts start to eat away at you, just pause and breathe. Acknowledge the thoughts and feelings and write them down. It’s understandable as to why you feel this way and these feelings don’t define you. Turn your insecurities into positive affirmations and take it day by day to love each part of yourself. Note down anytime you feel good and any compliments you receive. It will take time but starting your self love journey is a big step.

8. Be Patient

We’re still learning about life and ourselves and we are allowed to make mistakes. Forgive yourself, learn the lesson and move on. Most importantly, be kind to yourself.

9. Understand that healing is not linear

Don’t beat yourself up for still feeling sad over things you thought you were over. It’s ok to wake up one day and still feel those old feelings, it doesn’t take away from your progress. You don’t have to be fully over something to be able to move on and to be okay.

10. Journaling!!!!

Writing down your thoughts, feelings, mistakes, fears and memories is such a good way to process things. When we are overwhelmed and stressed these thoughts circle constantly around our heads until it drives us crazy. Let it go. Write it down. You’ve taken note of them and you can move on with your day without those thoughts dictating your mind. It is so therapeutic to write down how you are feeling and looking back on previous entries and seeing your growth without even realising it.

11. Take care of yourself

Self care is so important!! Take time for yourself and give yourself time to unwind in the day. Do something you enjoy every single day, whether that is reading, listening to music or a podcast, walking or taking up a hobby. Something that will get you out of your head and get you moving. Practising mindfulness and meditation is such a good relaxation technique too.

12. Don’t push yourself

Remember to take a step back after you’ve been hurt or need time to re-adjust. When our lives change, whether we want it to or not, we need to learn a new routine. Practice new healthy habits and self care instead of distracting yourself from your pain. Partying, drinking, drugs, sex… it won’t fix your problems in the long term.

13. You cannot control everything

Accept that what is for you will be and put your trust in the universe and yourself. You cannot control how others behave and how things pan out, but you can work on how to accept when things don’t go your way and learn to let go of those situations that are not meant to be.

14. Understanding your feelings

Acknowledge all your feelings, take a step back and understand why you are feeling this way. Allow yourself to really feel that emotion and allow yourself to heal and grow. If you are hurting and avoiding your feelings, you may be unintentionally hurting others without knowing. Communicate your feelings with friends and family if you don’t know what they are and how to tackle them, you are never alone.

15. Put your energy into your friendships

Value the friends you have around you as these people are your support system. They will be the ones to give you advice and pick you up when you’re broken. Spending time and laughing with them will give you that boost of serotonin you need. Go out on a girls night and don’t worry about how others are perceiving you, enjoy the company you have around and the love these people have for you. Live in the moment because it doesn’t always last forever.

16. Romanticise life

Start to appreciate the small things in life- the birds chirping, the morning sun on your face, a smiley face on your Starbucks coffee cup. Start to notice the beautiful moments in life, whether it is yours or not. Look at the people around you and see all the love that is in this world. Romanticise your life and feel as though you are in a movie. Put on your favourite playlist, wake up early and get a window seat at the library. These little moments will put a smile on your face and make you feel good within. Romanticising your life to a certain extent is a good motivator to keep on going.

17. Create structure and goals

Creating structure in your life that you can thrive off is a good start. Including a good sleep routine, because no matter how funny the tik toks seem at 2am, nothing puts you in a better mood than having a good night's sleep. Setting goals (realistic and long term dreams) gives you a sense of motivation and purpose and makes you feel good within yourself when you get closer to achieving them. Focus on the positives and small things that were good that day can help maintain a more upbeat mood. Don’t let the negatives weigh you down and put a dark cloud over you, it does no good. Take a step back and see the bigger picture.

18. Clean out your space

Clear up your environment, whether that is spring cleaning your room or removing anything toxic out of your life. You must create the life you want and a fresh start will give you a new perspective and the motivation to do so.

Always remember that these things take time and a lot of inner strength. Allow yourself to learn, grow and love yourself. You are deserving of a happy and healthy life.